Manifestation

One Word: Manifestation. . . . 

There are two months of 2019 left and can I just say, holy cow, what a year. I want to recap this year. . . 

January: I was living in my car four states away, fighting to walk away a toxic relationship.
February: I'm home, started a new job but was fired that month. I tried keeping up with my blog and Instagram.
March: I found a new job and quit by the end of the month because I hated it and stopped the blog and Instagram.
April: I worked another job and was terminated.
May: I stopped working out, said I didn't want to work another job.
June: I stayed up until 4 in the morning every night, stopped caring about myself by allowing depression to control me.
July: I starting planning to run away to live in a van, I had no confidence and continued letting myself go.
August: I picked up a job because my dad suggested it for me. I was asked to help out at a nutrition club and realized that I really didn't want to be sad anymore.
September: Started back my blog and Instagram, switched my room, continued my tattoo, lost some pounds and gained a whole lot of confidence.
October: I have finally been realizing that this is my fucking life.

The last six months of this year is absolutely outstanding compared to the first six months of this year. I fought so hard to leave the relationship back in January and once I was home I felt "this is finally my time to be Summer Raine again." When you find a job that felt good, but the owner didn't agree. . .it really can feel like a set back. The manifestation that I wasn't good enough continued for two months and two following jobs. The more I dove myself into the fact that I wasn't worthy, I was a piece of shit, why aren't things working out even though "I thought I left the problem" the more and more it manifested for me. It's all that was on my mind from the moment I woke up to the moment I fell asleep. 

What really changes then?

At the end of July, Sierra and I traveled to Minnesota to hang out with some friends, but it was a total bust. I remember the day verbatim, thinking things like "why am I here?" I felt secluded enough to get into my own thoughts are realize how they're chasing me because I am letting them. It is believed that why this day spoke to me so heavily is because I was planning on running away, but even this day travelling an hour away I felt just as shitty as I did at home.

On the trip home, the realizations kept coming. I was making the choices right then that have been affecting and would continue to if I didn't change them. I ate unhealthy that day and I smoked a few cigarettes. 

The entire day I hated who I was. 

I could've continued to hate who I was. . . but I was sick of manifesting that in my life. 

So I chose to give a fuck. I haven't bought a pack of cigarettes since that day. I haven't allowed my choices to control me, when it comes to eating healthy and feeling worthless, because I am in charge now. 

Continued. . . 

Pointing this out right away before I continue because you may be wondering, "you still eat unhealthy, Summer, and there's no way you're positive 24/7" and you're right. Being in charge doesn't take away pain, unhappiness, negativity: it places the priority differently, let me explain.

Changing your life won't happen overnight, but it also won't just happen one day.

From that day forward, I put in a conscious effort "is this serving me?" This means from the moment I wake up, to the moment I go to bed. So let's find some examples:

May and June Summer woke up around 2 in the afternoon, checked all 100 of her snap streaks, went downstairs to make breakfast, went back upstairs and worried about if a certain someone would snap chat her back, she looked in the mirror and criticized herself, went to hang out with friends at 6 in the afternoon and did not come home until 3 in the morning after smoking weed and eating whatever.

Now Summer wakes up between 6 and 8 in the morning, clears notifications, goes to the bathroom and washes her face, starts the morning with pre/probiotic drink and a glass of water, makes her bed, goes to Crush Nutrition or work, comes home to Instagram, blog, and Netflix most nights before bed around 10 at night.

The most important thing. . . I am happy. I am not worrying consistently about boys or hating my body, face, or self.

Manifesting greatness started with recognition. Then, I found myself at the bottom of my root problems to create my root solutions, which my latest blog post talks more in depth on. 

I am sharing this with you because life will throw us curve balls, I still quit another job in August after month, but I am not going to quit these two. I still have cried and felt bad about myself, but I've controlled the outbreaks. 

I'm sure you've heard the following things:
-Eating healthier

-Drink more water

-Exercise

-Love yourself

-Do your hobbies

-Wake up earlier

-Read books

-Less screen time

A matter of "do this and don't do this" and I am not going to tell you those things aren't right, but it's a belief that there is something deeper or even more clear to the surface about this. I'll write to you more tomorrow, diving into the topic of "what's really going to help me?" "How am I going to manifest what I want in life?" "What does this have to do with manifestation?" "Root problems and root solutions??"